Nip Slip

Mwahahaha gullible readers, I lured you to my blog with a racy post title, but the nip I am referring to is catnip! I’m an evil genius! Make me blog famous.

So every once in a while I get Lou a new catnip toy because even though he gets really bored with toys really quickly, there is always this amazing honeymoon period in which he is just running all over the place and rubbing his face on his new toy for hours and Darling Boyfriend and I don’t have to watch TV because watching the cat is just straight up better.

The catnip toy I chose for this particular adventure is this Yeowww! Rainbow which is a rainbow full of organic catnip. The blurb on the website asks if my cat sings Judy Garland songs, and yes, yes I think he probably does.

So, fascinated readers, here is the trajectory of this kitty/catnip love affair:

Step 1: Kitty’s all “I don’t care about that toy you put on the floor, I only care about snoozin’”

Then kitty’s like “Oh, well I guess I could just put my face on this toy for a minute so you don’t feel dumb for spending the $6.00 when you are a broke grad student.”

Then kitty says “Oh well since I put my face on it I might as well, you know, wrap my body around it and then do some bunny kicks or whatever, no big deal.”

Kitty then stops for a moment to be like “OMYGOD THIS TOY IS THE COOLEST!”

Then he rolls around in a little ball of silly fur and rainbow until I laugh so hard I am crying.

And finally, for his grand finale, kitty puts his toy under the table and hides in a fort he makes with my coat staring at us suspiciously for longer than one would think a cat could be bothered to feel suspicious.

I hope you have enjoyed these photos of kitty, adorable readers. Kitty certainly enjoyed himself.

Love,

Sarah

Scallulah or Tallooter?

Darling readers, Boyfriend, Kitty and I recently had a houseguest for about 3 weeks. His name is Scooter, and he is my parents’ dog and also most likely the silliest animal one could ever hope to see. Something that you may not know about Tallulah is that he Freaking Loves Dogs, and that if there is a dog about Tallulah will spend the majority of his time monitoring that dog’s movements and pretending like he doesn’t love that dog, even though he does. As a result there was a lot of this:

And this:

And so on until their relationship morphed into the greatest love story ever told and/or an Odd Couple-esque situation in which both members of said odd couple are Oscar because they are both behaving like pigs and peeing on the welcome mat and leaving crumbs of food around and knocking things over. Scooter does have a rather fancy little walk, so maybe he’s a little bit Felix-y, but mostly they are gross and therefore Oscar, but they are also in love, which means they need a celebrity couple name like “Bennifer” or “TomKat”. I vote for Tallooter, but Scallulah is a close second.

While Scooter was with us, the majority of our time was spent trying to achieve a “double pet”, which is when Darling Boyfriend or I manage to pet Scooter with one hand and Tallulah with the other for long enough to shout “DOUBLE PET” and give the person who had not achieved double pet time to run into the room, also shouting “DOUBLE PET?!?” Double pet would inevitably end when Darling Boyfriend or I would fly too close to the sun and attempt to achieve double double pet, which only exists in dreams and in which both Darling boyfriend and I are petting both Scooter and Tallulah and shouting “DOUBLE PET”. Whenever double double pet was attempted, Tallulah would always become overwhelmed and run away, because he does not want me to ever be truly happy.

Other activities that we participated in whilst babysitting Scooter included:

- Taking Scooter to the groomer to make him all fancy

-  Going to the vet after Scooter hurt himself by jumping from the floor to the bed, an accomplishment that would previously have been thought to require A.) Scooter learning to fly or B.) A bird getting into the apartment, lifting Scooter with his beak and placing him on the bed and then leaving the apartment again.

- Kissing Scooter on his widdle head.

Now is the part of the blog where I acknowledge that I have not written a word for months, but I’ll try to do some kind of “Here’s the Wacky Stuff that Happened in 2011″ post before I start school again.

Love,

Sarah

Run for Your Liiiiiiiiiiiiives!

Readers who are Safe and Sound, I would like to start this blog post off with a brief excerpt from a conversation I had with Darling Sister yesterday:

Me: So, I was trampled by a panicked mob today during an earthquake.
Darling Sister: Yeah, that’s cause weird sh*t happens to you all the time.

As you can see, Readers who are Certainly Intrigued, I was totally trampled by a panicked mob yesterday as a direct result of being the kind of person to whom weird sh*t happens all the time. Not only was I trampled by a panicked mob, I was trampled by a panicked mob of soon-to-be social workers. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

(This is a photo of Tallulah looking shocked, and is therefore relevant.)

Are you not one of the 85 bajillion people who talked to weeping-like-a-baby-me yesterday and would like to hear the whole story? Okay, I will tell you even though I am quite traumatized.

I was in the student union building at my university yesterday afternoon, and all of the first year MSW students were sitting around in groups at our orientation getting to know our advisors and asking questions (they were not really questions but were actually excuses to talk about how benevolent we had been towards those less fortunate than ourselves, but that is less important to my point) when, all of a sudden, Disaster Struck.

(This is also relevant, because Tallulah is about to cause an avalanche, which is a disaster)

The walls began to shake. We were in a room that was gymnasium sized with, like, giant metal things all over the walls and ceilings and it was really echoey and super loud and basically the Most Terrifying Room on Earth Oh God it was Horrible. Everyone started screaming. Then they started running while screaming. And while I was running and screaming someone behind me was running faster and screaming louder and I found myself smashed nose first into the ground under a pile of people who have committed themselves to the helping profession. The walls were still shaking and I was still firmly inclined to run run awaaay so I crawled out from under that mass of dismayed caregivers and dragged myself under a table, all the while thinking “I am going to have a broken nose and then die in a building full of strangers who are on a trampling spree and I don’t even think I wrote my adviser’s email address down correctly”. My shoes came off and I was basically just dazed and terrified, but the shaking stopped and I was alive alive aliiiiiiiiiive!

Picture me, Alarmed Readers, emerging from beneath the registration table where the pens advertising support groups for people whose spouses have Alzheimer’s and the new student questionnaires are. I am weeping a little while bleeding from the face. I am also not wearing any shoes, and I have large blue bruises forming on my arms and legs and my hand is scrapey and I am genuinely displeased. People look around and suddenly realize that someone has most certainly been Trampled and Probably Needs a Hug from a Stranger. I accepted these hugs while trying nonchalantly to see if I could tell from my reflection in the spectacles of my classmates whether my nose was permanently disfigured. While people patted me and asked “are you alright” with their best “I am a caring person who would never ever trample you” faces, I nodded, biting my tongue and attempting not to shake them all while yelling “WHAT THE F*CK JUST HAPPENED AND DO I STILL LOOK PRETTY IN MY FAAAAAAACE?!?!?”

I will now show you what my nose looked like an hour or two after I was trampled by a mob:

Note that my nose is red and approximately 3 feet and 4 inches wider than usual. Also note that I look very sad because of how I had recently been trampled. Then I felt even more sad when I arrived in my apartment (after sitting outside for 30 minutes terrified to go upstairs) and Tallulah was creeping around all low to the ground and close to the wall and meowing meowing meowing. Here is a picture of not that:

So that, Readers who would never step on my face, is the story of my Epic Trampling. I have officially stopped weeping, thanks to chats with darling friends and parents, cuddles from darling boyfriend, and especially a brilliant vodka/pineapple juice/dinner/giggles combo from darling Emily. And the swelling in my nose has gone down quite a bit, look!:

I have another orientation tomorrow, but the hurricane is not supposed to hit the area until later in the weekend, so I expect to get out of this one with more knowledge and fewer lacerations. And because I love you all and value your lives, I will end this post not only with a picture of a delicious kitty loaf, but also a link to the FEMA web page: What to Do During an Earthquake.

Love,

Sarah

Kitty is Sick of the City

Beloved Readers, I’ve neglected you and I am sorry. I would like to send a special “thank you for your patience” to the 3 of you who (wordpress tells me) continue to check in every single day to see if there is a new post. Whoever you are, you’re my favorite and I shall dance at your weddings.

I’ve got a lot of photos of my cat stored up, and a lot of posts started, but this first one is going to be about kitty and my Adventures in Moving!

That’s right! We’re packin’ our bags! We’re leavin’ our troubles behind! We’re gettin’ out of dodge! We are listenin’ to sweet sweet Billy Joel tunes! We’re droppin’ the letter “g” off of the ends of our words CAUSE WE ARE CHANGIN’ IT UP!

We are moving in with Darling Boyfriend until October, at which time we will all move again into a better apartment that has elevators that smell nice and less of a need for so many police all about. But until then, here are some of the fun new things that are making kitty happy every day:

1. New friends.

Olive comes to visit our apartment fairly often and is Tallulah’s best friend, they just do not get along very well because Olive shows her best friends how much she loves them by maybe trying to eat them a little.

2. New shoes.

These don’t really have anything to do with the move, but he looks pretty snazzy, eh?

3. New beams.

This photo made me realize that Lou’s markings in his bathing suit area look like a heart sometimes, which is cute.

4. New hiding places.

That’s right, envious readers, THERE IS A DISHWASHER UP IN HERE!

As you can see, Readers Who Have Been Pining Away for Pictures of My Cat, kitty basically is running around this apartment making everything belong to him and generally not giving a $%&*, and it is pretty darn delightful. I have been documenting our adventures in Moving, Quitting my Job, Getting in to Grad School and Various Equally Exciting Activities, but it is the middle of the night now so I might just go to bed. Rest assured that there are more posts to come in the very near future and I will never abandon you again (unless I get really busy again, at which time I will not hesitate to abandon you again). Goodnight!

Love,

Sarah

I’ll Do That Tomorrow

Productive readers, I started my new job last week and it has been really awesome but also really busy and kind of hard.  I’m not used to working super long hours and not having any time at work to muck about on the Internets and spin around in my desk chair, so it has been a bit of an adjustment.  Luckily, Tallulah is here to help me get through it.

He knows when I’m simply too too tired to hang the laundry up in the closet, and because he is a giving and selfless soul, he makes the laundry into a fort so that I cannot in good conscience take it away from him.

But no, awed readers, he does not stop there! He sees that after a long day of work I become slightly overwhelmed by my new-hire forms that need to be filled out.  Kitty to the rescue!

Finally, kitty saw that I was just running around too much, trying to get too much done too fast.  He devised a thoughtful plan to slow me down:

Kitty tripped me, and sent me flying into the vacuum cleaner.  Not only did this make my toe all big and purple and difficult to walk on, but it made me too mad at the vacuum cleaner to even THINK about vacuuming for the foreseeable future.  Bravo, genius kitty, bravo.

Alas, my paperwork is now really really due, and if I don’t fill it out tonight then I won’t get my dental insurance, and I would like very much to have dental insurance.  So if you’ll excuse me, I have to go rescue my pen.

Love,

Sarah

 

I Feel Fat…and Sassy.

Supportive readers, guess what?! Okay, I will tell you because I cannot wait for you to guess. I got a new job! A new freaking job! Can you imagine?! Also, my new job is perfect, and I want want wanted it so much that I became distressed every time I said “Maybe I won’t get it” and then I would eat a cookie to comfort myself in the face of my imaginary loss.

I had to go to about a bajillion* interviews, and how can one go to a bajillion* interviews without Incredibly Grown Up Outfits? One cannot, that is how.  So I went shopping with Lisa at one of those stores where everything is cheap cheap cheap and it makes me feel like although I may in fact already own that shirt over there I might as well buy that shirt over there just in case I do not already own it because it is oh so very cheap.  But, alarmed readers, disaster struck.

This store I was at? The one where everything is all cheap cheap cheap? Well, I am usually a certain Acceptable Size there and that size that I am does not make me feel upset, but this time it is possible that my comforting cookies and my reward cookies and my “my life is super awesome right now” cookies may have pushed me into a size that says “Sarah Elizabeth” (which is what I call myself when I am angry), “It is possible that you may have consumed too many cookies”.

(Kitty also occasionally has trouble finding pants)

I commenced whining to Lisa about how small pants seem to have gotten. But Lisa, because she is awesome, was like “Whatever, you’re too happy to be skinny right now, let’s go eat those doughnutty things at Coastal Flats.”

So, Readers Who are Just the Right Size, I have been thinking about it and my cookie butt (which is what I am calling my butt now. It’s cuter that way) is really not that bad for the following reasons:

1. It prevented me from spending a bunch of money on clothes, therefore making funds more available to purchase doughnutty things.
2. It is evidence of my “Too happy and busy and important to worry about whether or not I am going to put this cookie in my face” lifestyle, which sounds pretty fun, right? Riiiight?!
3. It is not permanent. Cookie butt will hopefully be greatly reduced when I start to walk instead of drive everywhere. Because my new job is a 30 minute walk from my house hooray!
4. It is probably a comfort to Lou to know that he is not the only one in the apartment who could use a bit of a diet/treadmill combo.
5. It forced me to find my Most Grown-Up Dress Ever, which I like very much and had kind of forgotten about but was probably the reason I was offered the job.  I imagine they saw me in it and were all “That woman is clearly a Capable Business Lady and we should Hire Her Immediately.”

So in conclusion, it is probably best that I am a teeny bit bigger than I would really like to be at the moment, because it is basically the reason that I got my dream job AND is keeping the cat from becoming incredibly depressed.

I am quite pleased with this blog post.  I think this blog post deserves a teeny tiny** celebration cookie, right? Right.

Love,

Sarah

*two
**medium big

Snoooowww! (Illustrated mostly with photos from last year, when the snow was more impressive)

Readers-who-check-yourselves-before-you-wreck-yourselves, I spent 3.5 hours in my car yesterday driving home from work.  This trip usually takes 45 minutes, but it took 3.5 hours.  I had to pee after about 1.5 hours.  I began to cry like a baby after about 2.5 hours.  When I finally got near my apartment, my car began to slide backwards down the hill.  So, because I am an awesome driver, I backed (careened) into a nearby parking space and ran ran away.  But it was all worth it because today, Readers-wh0-most-certainly-are-impressed-that-I-am still-alive, I got to work from home!

And of course, by “work from home” I mean “do the absolute essentials and then do whatever I want because I am freeeeeeeeee!”

Obviously the day started with a nap.  Or at least it was supposed to start with a nap, but somebody demanded about an hour of bellyrubs instead.

Then I did a bunch of work, which is stupid and lame and stupid.  Then I had to leave the house because I needed navy blue tights for a secret thing that will remain secret until it maybe won’t be a secret anymore maybe later.  But first, I met Andrew for some coffee next to the tights store and he unfortunately was not wearing this hat:

Shopping for tights after coffee was kind of horrible.  Target only had bright purple tights, and Marshalls and Payless had only hooker-y fishnet tights, which are not really my scene.  It was, however, a pretty epic triumph.  Usually, when I go shopping for a specific thing and cannot find that thing I just buy a lot of substitute things to make myself feel better.  But guess what, Readers-who-are-about-to-be-shocked, I didn’t buy anything! Not a thing! I wandered around three stores and I touched things and thought “Mmm I like that and would look pretty in it” but then I just turned and walked away from that and thought “Mmm I am awesome at not buying that”.

When I got home I had very good intentions and was going to build my desk that has been sitting in my “hallway” for 2 weeks (I don’t really have a hallway, it’s just the area by my door which is also technically my bedroom, kitchen and living room) and then I was going to go out into the snow and find Marnie and read books.  It’s possible that instead of doing those things I tried to take another nap, but somebody needed bellyrubs, and somebody got them.

Love,

Sarah